Spoiled for Choice: December 2004

12.23.2004

I don't know what's worse: that Steven Curtis Chapman is in a movie, or that I recognized him.

12.17.2004

Resist!

"And it struck me with the force of a thunder clap that if you live in the lightning rod of history, if you live in impossible times, you have to choose whether to be a collaborator or a resister." ~ Paul Monette

12.16.2004

This crow is so yummy

Mere seconds after I'd finished my last post, The OC came on. Through a combination of boredom with studying and curiousity, I found myself sitting in front of the television. The first five minutes of the show were merely okay, but still loads better than anything I'd seen from it this season. And after the commercial break? I was sunk.

There it was. The sarcasm. The self-deprecation. The "wink, wink, nudge, nudge, We know we're cheesy but we're okay with that" attitude was back! Marissa - didn't suck. Julie - probably did (I just grossed myself out). Kirsten - all out of bubblegum. I'm conditionally hooked. I really need to see what the next episode will be like, but I'm back in it, at least until the next major derailment.

I can, off the top of my head, think of only a handful of television shows that I gave up on before they were canceled:

Party of Five
Ally McBeal
The Practice
Beverly Hills, 90210
Dawson's Creek

This season, though, I've already given up on two program: One Tree Hill and The OC. I never actually expected much from One Tree Hill. My relationship with that show reminded me of days in college: it was like going to a friend's room to chat and ending up being acquaintances with her roommate, just because the other girl was around. In this case, it was The WB's pairing of One Tree Hill with The Gilmore Girls. I'd just sit there for the entire two hours and watch both shows. Now, though, it's as if my friend has moved, and I no longer have any reason to see the roommate in her new location. This is actually a pretty bad similie, though, because the shows are still paired on Tuesday nights; I just have no desire to stick around for the second hour.
But The OC! For a while, that was my crack. I was drawn in by the stupid, but entertaining, goings-on of the (mostly) disgustingly wealthy teens of Newport Beach. So the show wasn't even vaguely concerned with reality. So what! I get 365 days a year of reality, why I would I want more? So I watched the whole first season, and even stuck around for OLIVER, who sucked more than any television character ever, except maybe for Dawn Summers. The OC even managed to recover from its near-complete derailment during the Ollie Eps, only to serve up a rather lackluster season finale. Those writers just kept backing themselves into corners. I did, however, expect that this season would bring about some sort of rebound from the lame way in which the first season ended. But? No.
The characters were annoying, and too different. I tried, valiantly, I believe, to keep watching, even though they were hurting me so. But last week I just threw in the towel. I couldn't do that to myself anymore. Between library school and The OC, my meagre supply of Xanax was not going to last long at all! So, a mere 7 minutes into the episode, I just turned off the television and went back to work.
I told my boyfriend and a friend of mine that I'd stopped watching The OC and they both yelled some variant of "Thank G-D!" That's amusing, since they're both atheists. Is The OC that much of a foxhole situation? It's debatable, actually. I did find it hilarious that people who still watch, respectively, reruns of Dawson's Creek and DeGrassi: The Next Generation (or whatever it's called), think that they're programs are any better than The OC.

Not that I have any room to talk

I've started following the Next Blog link at the top of the page every time I visit a site at blogger. Why do I always end up at the blogs of people who:

Are ruminating about their totally awesome crush from Mr. Madison's third period English class?
Can't spell?
Don't write in any language I understand (not their fault, obviously, but I feel left out).
Are racist morons?

So annoying.

Where are all the cool blogs?

12.15.2004

Delayed, but not denied

If you're from Northern New Jersey and understand the title of this post, you need to leave my blog immediately. Seriously.

Anyway, I was just fiddling around with the "Dashboard" screen on Blogger, because I'm still fascinated by all the new features that they added between the time when I took a break and when I came back. One thing that you can do is look at the text of old posts without going to the edit screen. I randomly clicked on a few and found a post where I spoke about how much I loved this song that I'd heard at the Times Square Church . That song's chorus haunted me for TEN MONTHS, and I'd searched all over the internet to find out who sang it, to no avail. Finally I emailed the church and asked whether the song was available commerically, or if it was a TSC original composition. Turns out that it was both. And I'd initially considered emailing the church and asking, but I decided that they probably wouldn't write back forever. This CD is going to be my Christmas present to myself...now I have just one more final to complete, and all day tomorrow to study.

It's not vanity

I was momentarily arrested by how artistic and gorgeous my body looks. I was passing my full length mirror and caught sight of myself. The contrast between my dark skin and my striped undies, combined with the illumination of the daylight brightening my drapes, made me look so good that I just had to stare for a while. I didn't even care that I wasn't wearing my glasses; whether I actually look this good isn't the point.

But what a great way to start a day.

12.13.2004

The part where I gush

My boyfriend has the patience of a saint. I'm a difficult person to be with, no doubt about it. I'm such a different person with him than with anybody else. When I'm around him, I'm so happy, but I'm scared of that happiness. I know that things end, and sometimes you just don't see it coming. It scares me how much he can affect my mood with just a word or glance. It also frightens me that I have the same power over him. This makes it all the more important for me to be mindful of what I do and say, because sometimes I have the urge to hurt him a little, just because I can. Just to make it smart. Don't worry, I'm totally working on this with my therapist.
Anyway, I've been at loose ends all evening, and I don't actually know what it is that I've been doing for the last hour. It's been ages since I've just vegged in front of my computer, and this feels weird. Anyway, I was kind of killing time until my boyfriend finished a paper that had to be turned in by midnight. When he finished, he IMed me and told me how much he was looking forward to Saturday, when he's coming to pick me up and take me home. I can't wait!! We're kind of the lamest couple ever; we're pretty much content to sit home and talk, read, cook, or watch movies when everybody else while know goes out. Still, I've been looking forward to this. Plus, I get to see my family, too! My parents are the best, and it will be nice just to be a semi-kid again for a few weeks.

I just need to get through the next few days. I have three more finals to go, but the one that I took today was supposed to be the most difficult one, and I'm having trouble getting worked up about the rest of them. Tomorrow's is open book, Wednesday's is based on a course pack full of boring, dated, but reasonably straightforward articles, and Friday's test? That's on Friday. I even have an extra day to study.

Jessica ignores me, part 1; or So meta it makes your head spin

Jessica, the editor of Gawker, is totally my hero. She gets paid to know all sorts of stuff that's not any of her business. Her new thing is to IM the (supposed) screen names of famous newspeople and let them ignore her. Actually, though, it occurred to me that maybe jessicagawker isn't really her screen name, in which case I have just harassed some poor fangirl who was too stupid to come up with an original screen name. Bygones. Our conversation:

me: does anybody ever write you back?
me: (i am also a huge fan of invisible)
me: oh, sorry. had to clarify that i don't actually think that you're IMing drudge & co. this is great though, cause now i can have you on my blog ignoring ME. it's so meta, my head is spinning right now

12.11.2004

I love my mommy

I talk to my mother all the time, but I was hesitant to tell her how disappointed I've been with grad school thus far. She knew that something was bothering me, and I finally told her, albeit reluctantly. I've always been the smart kid, usually without too much effort, and it really bothered me to tell her how difficult I am finding it to connect to this material. I was relieved when my mom didn't seem to be angry or disappointed with me.

I just got off the phone with her a minute ago. I begged off talking longer because I have to study for my final on Monday, which will be (by far) my hardest test. My mother closed the conversation by saying that I should not get too stressed out by this school; since I came here on the strenght of the program's reputation, it isn't my fault that the reality isn't living up to the hype. I thank G-d for my mother all the time, because she's amazing. She's funny, and sweet, and smart, and is an all-around excellent person. She can seem scary or imposing at first (just ask my boyfriend), but I have never doubted that she wants only the best for me.

My mom kicks ass.

12.07.2004

No Wedding Bells Here

I feel as though all of my friends are already married or getting married. I'm 23 years old, and I already I feel as though I've passed my expiration date.

I'm from New Jersey. We consider people who marry before the age of 25 to be child brides. And yet, many of my friends were married between the ages of 20 and 22 (and none of them had shotgun weddings). I wonder if I'm doing something wrong, because I am so far behind the curve. I couldn't get married right now if my life depended on it. It's enough of an adventure just to take care of myself. I could never add a husband to the mix right now. At least, I think I couldn't.

Another thing that frightens me is that, with the exception of two couples, all of these people got married within a year or two of meeting each other. Is that quick? Because it seems quick to me. Two of my friends from college, both of whom were a year behind me, are married to men whom they weren't even dating when I graduated. Scary.

Could it happen that way for me? Like that, BOOM? I'm currently dating someone, and we haven't been together long enough to even begin to consider marriage (he's from Jersey, too), but I wonder if we're missing something fundamental. Should I call it quits? My friends who are married (or on their way to getting married) weren't looking for husbands. They probably didn't feel themselves any more prepared for marriage than I do right now.

And then there are my friends who have been together for years now, with no sign of marriage on the horizon. Do I want to get to the point where I have been with same person for four or five years with no stronger commitment than is connoted by the words "girlfriend" and "boyfriend"? In response to a mass email amongst my girlfriends to determine where we'd have another friend's batchelorette party next year, one girl wrote in, ostensibly to say that she was up for whatever was decided, but really to inform us about how her relationship of five years ended. Her boyfriend called her to let her know that things weren't working out for him, and that he already had another girlfriend. FIVE YEARS! Not that I feel that anybody in a relationship automatically owes the partner a lifetime of commitment after dating for a certain number of years, it seems that there should be some sort of way to make sure that things like this don't happen. The friend who this happened to is now single for the first time in her adult life, and she has no idea what to do. She's hopeful that there's somebody out there for her, but being hurt like this has got to make it more difficult to get out there and try to find somebody who will give her the happiness she deserves.

But, as always, I wonder: What about me and my happiness? When is it going to be my turn?

12.05.2004

Countdown

Two more weeks, and I'm back home for a much needed break. Ahhhhhh! I just want to find something I enjoy doing, and at which I don't completely suck.

Spoiled for Choice